Being a virgin wasn’t my original plan. I didn’t read the bible and think “I want to save my body for my husband.” Nope! That didn’t happen. It’s actually something I just kind of fell into believe it or not. Now I thank God that I didn’t go all the way.
In jr. high I talked about sex a lot. I remember telling all of my friends the kind of person I was going to be once we got in high school and later on in our lives. I remember saying “I don’t want to get married. There are so many guys I want to have my fun with.” I started asking older people about sex. The thing that I would hear from each and every one of them was to stay a virgin. I’m not going to lie hearing the same thing from so many people made me kind of scared about having sex. I mean here it was I was thinking that it was going to be all great as it’s made of to be movies but most of the people I asked were telling me the total opposite.
As I got a little older I had a plan change. I told myself that I would wait until I was at least 17 to do it because I thought by then I would be more mature plus a lot of my family members did it before that age so I thought it would make me seem somewhat better than them. In this time of waiting to become 17 a lot happened. Where I used to be the person in the clique that would always say I was going to do it I noticed one by one my friends where actually doing it. They would always come back to tell me all the juicy details. Even though I would listen to each of their stories and be very nonjudgmental about it the whole time while they talked I couldn’t help but to think that I didn’t want the same thing for myself. Most of the guys that they gave their precious gift to they barely knew and it wasn’t romantic. There wasn’t any smooth music in the background; there weren’t any rose petals on a soft bed. All it was a few minutes with some random, hot, and sweaty guy on top of them. Why would I want that? Where was the love?
Of course this all lead to another plan change. By the time we got to high school I was the only virgin amongst my friends. I decided that I didn’t want to do it until I was in a serious relationship with someone I loved and trusted.Thing is my “relationships” often didn’t last past a month. It almost felt like God would take these people out of my life as soon as I put them there. So since I kept having these flings I never felt comfortable enough to have sex with them but I did get into other stuff. I didn’t want to be the virgin that everyone makes fun of because I didn’t know anything and I didn’t want to be nervous or shy whenever my first time came so I asked a lot of guys about sex and I pushed the limit with my flings. I figured I’m not actually having sex so this way I can have a little fun with my flings and still keep my gift. It’s a win, win situation is how I saw it back then.
Things stayed this way through high school. I had pretty much broken away from my old clique. Turns out that promiscuous person that I claimed I would be in jr. high my friends actually turned into. I remember thanking God I didn’t go down that road. Sure I would make out with guys but at least they were my boyfriend or we were on the verge of going together so that made me better than them right? I finally got my first serious boyfriend at the end of 11th grade. We didn’t get along much but one thing we could agree on was making out. Crazy thing is I was having womanly issues at the time so I wasn’t ready to have sex even if I really wanted to. I was like is God trying to prevent me from having sex or something. This isn’t fair! Here it is everyone else is doing it and it seems like something is always in my way. Finally when everything with my health was fine we came closer and closer to going all the way. I got birth control pills and everything but every time we would get close to doing it I would ask myself “what happens after this.” What if we broke up? We were already fighting a lot. What would I do then, meet another guy a do it and just get doing it until I got to my husband and have to present to him some crazy number of how many times I’ve let someone have my body? What about God? How mad would he bed? I was already repenting after me and my boyfriend’s make out sessions. I just couldn’t do it so I didn’t It was a good thing too because sure enough we broke up.
Lets move on to the beginning of my freshman year in college. I liked being a virgin at this point because people were actually impressed by it. They asked me tons of questions as if I’m some kind of rare species and now that I think about it I really am sad to say.I didn’t want to be the person on the other side of the fence telling someone not to have sex because it wasn’t all that. Being a virgin became a part of my identity. If you didn’t know anything else about me you knew that I was a virgin. Thing is I still wasn’t taking staying pure as serious as I should have. I had the kind of attitude like I wasn’t trying to lose my virginity but if it happened it happened. After a few weeks of being in college me and this guy I really liked stopped talking. The light bulb finally came on. I knew something needed to change. I told God that there would be no sex and no pushing the limit.This was not how God wanted me to be and not how I wanted to be either.
So now you have it. I’m 18 year old and I’m a virgin. Next month is birthday and I’m getting a purity ring. I’ve always wanted one but I never thought I’d actually get one because I never thought I’d actually stay a virgin. Guys and girls don’t have sex. Looking back at all my exes and all the chances I’ve had I’m happy I didn’t give it up. God has someone out there for me that will receive my gift the right way. Even if you’ve already had sex it’s not too late to hang it up and wait. Who cares if you’re young and everyone is doing it. I stay in a dorm believe me I know people are doing it all of the time but you’re special. Stand out and be you. Being a virgin and keeping my body like God intended for me to is my swag. What’s yours?
- Love & Hugs